Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Try #2 is a BUST!

I went in for my u/s this morning to check my follicles and I was told that the 2 follicles I had on the right haven't grown. I didn't respond to the menopur. There is a really nice follicle on the left. Size 16 this morning. Will be a perfect size 18-20 by Friday, but oh, wait....THAT LEFT TUBE IS BLOCKED! Only having one side is really making things tough. The nurse is going to talk to my RE and call me sometime this afternoon and let me know what he wants to do, but I just know this month will be a bust.

So, I've made a decision today....I'm getting that tube unblocked. I'm making the appointment no later then Monday and I'm getting it done.

Good news if I want to see something good in this situation is I'll be able to have my favorite drink tonight while out to dinner at Benihana with my family. It's called a blue roof and it is yummy. But that is a very lame attempt at seeing the bright side because honestly I'd be happier saying I can't drink, I'm trying to get pregnant. I just don't think that is going to happen.

I'll post an update after I hear from the RE's office, but I want to wish everyone a Happy New Year and please be safe tonight.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

A Year In Review

I too am following in some of my blog-friends' footsteps and did the Year In Review questions. Overall I think it's been a good year. I'm lucky that I've had 2 jobs the entire year when so many people don't even have 1. I have a loving partner in my life who I know will always be there for me.

It was a little hard to answer some of the questions, so I'm probably a bit boring compared to others. Here you go...

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
I think the only thing I’ve done different in 2008 was trying to get PREGNANT.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I did not keep a single New Year’s Resolution, but I still plan on making more this year. I want to lose a few pounds, get pregnant, never smoke again since I finally quit, overall live a healthier life.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
2 of K’s cousins and a friend of mine had twins only 4-5 weeks ago.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No. I don’t think anyone died in 2008.

5. What places did you visit?
Went to Jacksonville, FL for work. Visited family in the Chicago area a lot. That was about it.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
Of course to get pregnant (early 2009).

7. What day from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
May 31st. The day K sat across from me and said “I want a baby. Even if I have to carry the baby to have one I want a baby.” You can’t get more direct then that. The sentence I needed to hear for both of us to get the ball rolling.

8. What was your biggest achievement(s) of the year?
Learning so much more about money and how to be better with it. I feel I did a great job holding it together with everything I had going on. I work 2 jobs, I had surgery and I started TTC.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not eating better, not exercising, not taking better care of myself.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I found out I had a huge cyst on my right ovary caused by endometriosis and had to have surgery. Also found out I have 1 tube closed which will make getting pregnant harder.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
I don’t know that I bought anything other then necessities in 2008.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
I’d have to say my honey, K. She has been wonderful.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
My brother. Outside of the fact that he just can’t get his life together, he stole money from my parents for drugs and was arrested twice for non-payment of child support. Very sad situation. My poor parents.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Credit Card Debt. Bills for TTC came in second.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
I was very excited about my first IUI.

16. What songs will always remind you of 2008?
I Kissed A Girl by Katie Perry.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?
a) Happier b) Probably the same. I lost a bunch in 2007 or early 2008 and have stayed there. c) Definitely Poorer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Started TTC much earlier in life not just earlier in the year. Also, exercised!!

20. How did you spend Christmas in 2008?
At my parents.

21. Did you fall in love in 2008?
I fell deeper in love.

22. What are your three favorite photos of 2008?
Any picture of my puppies.

23. What was your favorite TV program?
Grays Anatomy, Prison Break, WorkOut. There are a lot more. I watch way too much TV.

24. What did you do for your birthday in 2008?
K took me out to dinner.

25. What was the best book you read?
I don’t think I finished a book in 2008. I hope to change that in 2009.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Didn’t have one.

27. What did you want and get?
I got the RE I wanted. I wanted to be happier then I have been in the past.

28. What did you want and not get?
To get pregnant on the first try. Always considered myself an over achiever. Thought I’d be the exception. Just proved to myself that I am definitely imperfect when it comes to fertility.

29. What were your favorite three films this year?
Sex & The City & Four Christmas’s The only 2 movies I saw this year.

30. Did you make some new friends this year?
I didn’t make new friends but I think I got closer to a few people who otherwise where only acquaintances and I think those friendships will continue to grow.

31.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I’ll agree with the others…“Two Pink Lines.”

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Babydolls shirts and jeans.

33. What kept you sane?
My two puppies always keep me sane. I always say they are the reason I get out of bed. And of course my honey, K. I couldn’t live without her.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Prop 8 in California. I don’t live there, but every election year I watch more and more States ban gay marriage and it just reminds me how much we are hated.

35. Who did you miss?
I miss my Grandparents. I miss my friend Laura who hasn’t spoken to me since her and K’s cousin broke up almost 3 years ago.

36. Who was the best new person you met?
All of you. My e-friends that are also TTC and helping me figure it all out.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
Don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do today. Don’t hold onto anger or hurt. You only hurt yourself not the other person.

Monday, December 29, 2008

So Far So Good

Had my ultrasound this morning. Even with the increase in clomid I still only have 2 follicles on the right. The left tube is closed so even though there is also 2 follicles on the left they aren't going to do me much good. They are smaller at this time then they were last cycle. I guess that isn't a bad thing since I won't be inseminating until Friday. They've got time to grow. I start the Menopur tonight. I've only given myself 1 shot before and it kinda freaked me out a bit. Now that I have to do back to back shots I think I'll be getting better at it, but I just know it will still freak me out a bit. I just hope I don't surge early and this cycle turn out to be a bust.

Christmas turned out to be good except the weather. Chicago got thunder storms Friday night that melted all the snow that caused flooding. I spent Saturday with a shop vac getting water out of my parents house. Crazy. Glad I was there. They were already driving to Minnesota to spend this week at my house. I was just leaving the next day because K was still with her family. If I wasn't there, they would have had standing water in their house for the entire week. Ruining newing flooring, carpeting, etc. Would have been a much bigger mess.

My parents and 16 year old niece are in town this week. K's Mom was in town last week then we traveled for Christmas and now to have company again. I'm glad I get to spend time with my parents, but I'm looking forward to it being just K & I and we can get our lives back to normal.

Hope all of my blogger friends had a good Christmas.

Friday, December 26, 2008

The ups & downs of Christmas

Christmas has been good. For the most part. I hurt my knee riding in the back of the SUV with 2 big dogs. I'm having a few more side affects with the increase in clomid so I haven't been feeling well. I haven't seen K since we got into town 2 days ago. Those are the down sides. Christmas itself was relaxing, which I needed. I'm going to my best friends tonight for dinner and tomorrow I'll be here at my parents by myself with the puppies all day. I am looking forward to the time alone to relax. I take my last dose of clomid today so I'm hoping the headache goes away and my emotions stop feeling like a roller coaster. :) I'm already nervous about my u/s that isn't even until Monday. I'm trying not to be. I don't want to obsess about this try like I did the last one. We take the long drive home Sunday. My parents will be in town visiting all week. That will be great, but with K's Mother in town last week, traveling this weekend and then my family in town all next week I'll be happy when Jan 3rd arrives and my life will return to it's boring state of existence.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

It has to get better.

The best thing that happened to me the last 2 days was starting my clomid. Taking those 2 little pills tells me I'm finally starting Try #2. I know the fertility drugs can cause side effects and our emotions to go nuts, but I don't seem to mind. At least not yet.

Yesterday I fought the traffic and crowds to run a few errands. When I got home and I was backing into the garage and the car slid and I hit the side mirror into the garage. Broke the mirror and put a huge scratch in the back of my car. This morning my alarm clock didn't go off and I was woken by up the puppies at 7:53am. I start work at 8:00am. What a great start to my day. ha! ha! ha!

Tonight I have to pack because tomorrow we drive to the Chicago area. When I say WE I mean me, my DP, her Mother, and the 2 dogs. We are driving an SUV, but it will be interesting. This will be the first road trip where the dogs didn't have the whole back to themselves. They will be sharing with me. I'm actually going to my DP's families for Christmas Eve this year. First time in 7 years. I hope it goes well.

I'll check in again before the New Year. I should be inseminating on the 31st. No drinks for me, but I'll live. :)

Have a great Christmas everyone.

It just got a little better. A friend just stopped by with her twins just born about 4 weeks ago. I think the babies gave me some good luck. :) Well, I can hope anyway.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Trying again

Since things are turning out to not be so easy for me I decided to start a blog about our efforts.

See, I'm trying to have a baby. Nothing new in these days. I feel like everytime I turn around someone is pregnant, and anyone with a computer and internet can see the amount of lesbian message boards out there full of woman trying to get pregnant.

My partner and I have been together for almost 13 years. We've talked so many times over the years about starting a family but there was always something getting in the way. Money, change of career, moving, etc. Before I knew it I wasn't 28 I was 38 and I actually came to the conclusion and made peace with the fact that it wasn't going to happen for us. That it would be just the two of us. Then to my surprise this past May K came to me and said she wanted a baby. So, we decided we were officially in trying mode, and it was going to be now or never.

We did all the research, found a doctor, found a cryobank, talked to friends that have been through this process. We were prepared. It was coming together wonderfully. So much better then any other time we ever thought about starting this process. But never in a million years did I think I would have something wrong with me. As it turned out there was. At my first appointment with my RE a huge cyst on my right ovary was found and had to have surgery. During surgery they found out I also have 1 blocked tube and a large amount of endometreosis that could come back at any moment.

Despite the challenges we started trying. Try #1 ended in a BFN but it felt good to be officially trying.

I start my fertility drugs today and we should have Try #2 on New Year's Eve. I feel very good about this and keeping positive thoughts.