Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Catching Up...

It was nice catching up on some blogs today. I miss all of you so much. It is still hard to sometimes. I just can't relate to with anyone pregnant or who have had their baby. I want to. You all know I'm so happy for you. That part doesn't change. It's just so hard to read them. And if I am able to read them I don't know what to say. So, with that said, I'm just still healing.

I'm still working over 60 hours a week. I want so bad to start jogging, but haven't started yet. The little time I have off has been spent doing so many other things that need to get done, but it is still on the list and I am still planning on making it happen.

We hired a landscape guy to put a retaining wall in the front of the house. I'm posting a picture for your viewing pleasure. I love it. As you can see it's a 2-tier landscape timber retaining wall. We'll be planting a bunch of stuff in those lower beds very soon. 4th of July weekend we'll be putting in a patio under the window on the left in the front of the house. We already purchased the little patio set that will go there when it's done.

I met my brother's new girlfriend this past weekend when I went to Chicago to visit my Dad for Father's Day. She's ok. Yes, she's pregnant. They are talking marriage. No real plans have been made, but when this does come up I don't know that I will be able to go. My brother and I aren't close so it's not him or the fact that she is pregnant why I don't want to attend. It's my parents. See, K and I got married on a beach in Maui back in 1999. My parents did make plans to attend but at the last minute they cancelled. Mom made some bad excuse about having to take care of my niece, but I know she just didn't want to watch me marry a girl. So, I can't watch them attend my brothers wedding. Not that I don't want them to go. I do. I think they should see at least 1 of their kids get married and I don't want them to think they can't be happy. I just don't want to see it.

Sorry if this is all sounding so "poor me". I actually hate that when I hear it from others. I hate to think that I'm "damaged". But in some way I believe I am damaged at the moment. But healing. I know I'm healing. It's a work in progress. I'm a work in progress. Now more then ever.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

The Universe is F&@$ing With Me!

My brother's new girlfriend is pregnant. Can you believe it???

Let me give you some history.

My brother is 42. He has 2 kids already by 2 different women. The first one, a girl who is now 17, he barely took care of. Was never on time with child support, ditched her on holidays to get high and was never a father. The second one, a boy around 12 years old, he has never seen this child. The mother didn't even put him on the birth certificate. I was the only person in his life until about 5 years ago when the mother cut me off too.

Now his new girlfriend, who he's only known since January, is pregnant.

Why is it an idiot like him can produce 3 children that he has no concept of how to take care of and I get none after all the money, time and medical intervention??? I don't even know that I'm really all that jealous. I feel sorry for this poor girl and the baby on the way. I just find it a bit ironic.

I'm looking forward to the day when I feel like the universe isn't out to get me. I must have been really bad in a former life....

Update about me....
  • K and I have started a serious diet. It's time to get serious about taking care of ourselves.
  • We have hired a landscaping guy to put a retaining wall in the front of the house and K and I will be putting in a patio 4th of July weekend. After putting so much time and effort into the inside of the house I love that I'll have some "curb appeal" in the front now.
  • I think I'm going to be able to fly to Chicago and surprise my Dad for Father's Day. Fingers crossed that all comes together.
  • I'm still working all the time. Counting the days till I'll be able to quit. 1500 days to go. :)

Hope everything is well in blogland.