Monday, February 22, 2010

On the edge...

Haven't posted in a while because there hasn't been any news.

We have a consultation with the RE tomorrow. K really wanted the appointment. We have everything in place for our last try. We should be scheduling our Day 3 appointment this week, but she wants to talk to the RE about where to go from here. I just don't know if financially we can do anything going forward.

I want so bad to be excited about this try. Work is so stressful and then the stress, hurt, pain and financial burden of TTC is really getting to me. I feel on the edge of a nervous breakdown.

Today my Mom called. She is on vacation out in Arizona with some family. One of my cousins has 10 kids. Most of them adopted. According to my Mom "Arizona is throwing kids at her". I chatted with her over facebook not that long ago and she said that she hasn't paid a dime to adopt any of her kids.

It angers me. It angers me that she has 10 and I can't even get 1. It angers me that my Mom will call to talk to me but spend 20 minutes talking only about my cousin and all her kids and how wonderful she is.

I finally snapped today. I told her to stop talking about kids! That I already know how perfect Lisa is but I didn't want to hear it anymore. I told her I had my own life and to Fing bad that there isn't kids.

Now....I have more Mom guilt. It's a never ending battle. Of course she said she should have been more sensitive and all I thought was "duh!"


  1. Hang in there... You will know what to do... Just follow your heart.

  2. I'm sorry. It sucks and I can relate all too well. TTC is stressful enough with donors, IUI, meds, costs and thats before you even factor in the damn biological time clock. We have been on a break due to sudden and unexpected unemployment/finances for over a year and I just turned 39. There isn't a day I don't stress and obsess over it all. Again, I'm so sorry but please know that you don't walk alone ... for what it's worth ...

  3. This is so hard - that you have had so many obstacles to get through and you're so stressed and broke and scared. And your mother is not making it any easier. FX big time for your appointment tomorrow. Sending hugs((())

  4. ugh that sounds like an upsetting chat with your mom. my mom's done similar things, telling me how great my sister's kids are, and she posts their photos all over facebook. i dont blame you for not getting excited for the upcoming possible try. we got to a similar state after a want to be excited, but you feel like you can better prepare for bad news if you just act aloof to it all. i really do understand where you're coming from. thinking of you gals, and hoping the stork can find you soon.

  5. I'm sorry. Parents always have a way of getting under your skin, don't they?

    Good luck with the appointment!

  6. ugh...sorry A. I am crossing all my fingers and toes, hoping and praying that this is THE cycle. *hugs*

  7. Oy. I'm sorry about your icky conversation with your mom. Everything, EVERYTHING is crossed for you for this cycle.

  8. Good luck at your appointment! Sorry about your conversation with your mom. It is so not fair that not only do we have to go through infertility, but we also have to see people around us having children constantly, most of them not on purpose! My mom is trying so hard to be supportive through our journey, but if she tells me "it will happen when its meant to" one more time i might just go crazy.