Monday, April 27, 2015

14 Weeks

I am at 14 weeks today.  My life has been crazy so I feel very lucky that this has been a wonderful pregnancy so far. 

Our foster child has been with us 2 weeks.  She is a challenge.  She is insecure & sassy.  She has terrible behavior in school which had me late for work today because we had to have a meeting with school about her.  It went as well as can be expected.

I find myself unable to bond with her.  One, she has a lot of walls up already due to everything she has been through but I'm ashamed to say that I kinda resent her and for taking all the attention away from this pregnancy.  Taking all the attention away from me needing attention during this pregnancy.  I'm 44 and pregnant.  I have spent my entire life taking care of everyone else.  I spent the last 19 years taking care of K and all of her needs so being pregnant is the only time that I get all the attention and that isn't happening.  The foster kid is getting everything and she isn't grateful, she doesn't realize how good she has it or how her terrible little life is affecting me. 

Yes yes yes....I know.  I sound terrible.  That is where I feel guilty.  But I can't help how I feel.

Thankfully nobody reads this and nobody I really know reads this in my real life so I can talk about the terrible person I really am.


  1. Your feelings are justified. Your pregnancy should be all about you. I'm so sorry that this foster placement is not going well. I'm so glad the baby is doing well and you have made it 14 weeks.

  2. I'm reading :) Do you have to keep her? You sound stressed out by her and perhaps that isn't healthy. On the other hand, you might be able to help that child who has most likely not had a very good life so far. Either way, you need to do what is best for you and the baby right now as well as her.