Monday, April 13, 2015

12 Weeks

Today I hit the 12 week mark. Everyone always feels more secure hitting the 12 week mark. NOT ME. I don't feel secure. I lost my twins at 21 weeks.

I know that sounds like I'm complaining. Maybe anyone reading this would think all I should be is grateful that I'm pregnant again. I would have been that person. I would have thought "be grateful for what you have". Until it happened to me. Now that I've been through what I believe is the worst possible thing that will ever happen to I know better. Now I know that even though they were only with me for moments it will hurt forever.
I miss them everyday. And even though I will love and cherish this baby I'm carrying he (or she) won't replace my baby boys.
We now have the 8 year old little girl living with us as a foster child. She is terribly behaved, disrespectful and just overall a mean little girl. She will definitely not replace my innocent baby boys. I hope we are able to help her. I hope we can improve her bad behaviors and when I first started this I thought for sure we'd be able to but the more I get to know her the more I doubt that. I really think there is something to it when they say a child's personality is set by the time they are 5. I didn't believe that until now.
That's about it for now. I could type and type but this would turn into a "I feel sorry for myself" post and those are never fun to read.

1 comment:

  1. Pregnancy is rough enough as it is. Having to assimilate a high needs foster child sounds intense.