Sunday, May 31, 2015

The journey is over

This past Friday, May 29th I lost the baby. Jaxon Robert Chavez was born at 3:15 stillborn. I have no idea why. And at this point it just doesn't matter anymore. We have decided to stop trying. After 7 years, almost 100k, 2 surgeries, 10 iui's, 4 IVF,  3 angels we are done.

I will never be the same. I know this is all because of me. My body has failed us over and over. I can't put Kathy or another baby through this ever again.

The Ultimate Gift was me giving Kathy the baby she so desperately wanted. And I have failed. This blog is now over. I will live the rest of my life childless. Please don't ask about fostering or adoption. That is not going to happen.

I wish everyone who has been following me all these years the best in life and many thanks for the support.

Good bye.


  1. I know it doesn't really cut it, but I'm so sad and sorry to read this. Will be thinking of you all and sending love

  2. I feel such deep compassion for you. There isn't a single word I can use to ease your pain and suffering. You did everything humanly possible and I hope you find some solace in that.

    I am so, so sorry for your losses. Please be kind to yourself.

  3. Nothing I say could ever ease your pain, but I am so terribly sorry for your losses.

  4. I'm just so heartbroken for you. The cruelty of all of this loss, of losing your sweet baby boys one after the other after the other must be too much to bear. I echo the above commenter. You did everything you could and you are not to blame. I'm sure that's not much comfort to you now in your grief. Sending you so much love and compassion.
    I'm here for you if you need a shoulder on the internets to weep on. Big soft hugs. To you and your wife:) xoxo

  5. I am so very, very sorry for your loss. Sending thoughts and prayers your way.

  6. Oh, honey. I am heartbroken for you.