Thursday, May 14, 2015

Tragedy could strike again....

When I lost my twin boys it was because an incompetent cervix.  It just popped open and my world has felt like it ended ever since. 

I get pregnant again.  IVF #4.  8 years, close to 100K, loss of twins and almost one failed marriage later and I think I'm going to have the baby I've been trying so hard for.  The baby I've been trying so hard to give my wife. 

3 weeks ago I got a cerclage.  I'm all stitched up.  Of course the specialists tried to talk me out of it.  Tried to tell me I probably don't need it....BULLSHIT!  My cervix is already starting to open again.

It's still in the normal range but not my much.  I'll probably have to go on bed rest which will put my job in jeopardy.  See because if you've been following along back in February they eliminated my department and I still haven't been officially placed in a new assignment.  That will probably happen next week but if I go on bed rest they won't wait 6 months for me.  I know.... I know..... legally they have to hold a job for me but not my job and not at my pay.  I could end up being the receptionist or mail room person.  That's all honest work but not what I want to do.

If I lose this baby I think I'll lose my mind.  No amount of therapy will help me.

I feel like I can feel my cervix opening every second.  This SUCKS!!


  1. You are in my thoughts and prayers that this little one makes it to viability and hopefully full term. I'm so sorry for all the shit.

  2. Good for you for getting the cerclage! How many weeks are you? I am praying really hard for you and this baby. This sucks. I hope hope hope you and your baby will be ok! That sucks about your job! Just focus on the baby if you can. I am sure it feels like the world is ending. Ugh!

  3. Well done for getting the cerclage! Go on bedrest if you need to. Do whatever it takes to get this baby here and safely. Wishing you every bit of luck in this world!!!