Thursday, April 30, 2009

Nobody's treated the same...

I've noticed something odd now that K is the one "trying". She is getting treated so much better by the staff at our RE's office then I ever did. I wasn't treated horrible, but it is very clear to me that there really is a difference.

For example. My first IUI I felt like I was just cattle getting rushed through and it was wam bam thank you mam. K's first IUI was slow and gentle. Everything was explained to her and the nurse did everything to make her feel comfortable.

Another example. My Day 3 ultrasound for my Try #1 we found a random cyst. The nurse told me without hesitation that I wouldn't be able to try that cycle and we'd check again the next month. I was devastated. After all I had done to finally get to my first try I couldn't believe it. It was on my way out the door from that appointment that she mentioned that a blood test could be done to see if that cyst would interfere, but I should save my money. Of course I did take the blood test and I was able to try and even though it came back BFN at least I tried. K had that same nurse yesterday for her Day 3 ultrasound and a random cyst was found. That same nurse took the time to explain it to her and still proceeded with everything as if she would be able to try this cycle and offered up that blood test immediately. Oh, I should also mentioned that she also gave K her injectable meds for free. Just handed them to her.

It's like night and day the difference in how we were both treated. K doesn't go to any appointment by herself. I have been there holding her hand every time. I, on the other hand, had to go alone to every appointment except the IUI. So, there I am going through all of that for the first time alone and not knowing what to expect and I wasn't given the time of day. K's got obvious support from someone who has been through it and they are treating her like she's all alone and needs all this extra attention.

Maybe I'm just feeling sorry for myself. Maybe...

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Here we go again... Update

Day 3 u/s is today. I'm very excited to be starting again. I'm also much more optimistic that her u/s will look great. That is such a change compared to me who had so many bad one.

K's account is set up at the cryobank and we'll be ordering our new donor very soon. I'm very excited about him. I read on the cryobank message board that when someone else used him he had good motility numbers. He is also a huge athlete. K's also an athlete. I know there are no guarantees on that kind of thing, but I believe it helps.

That is my TTC update. Nothing major to report. Hope everyone is doing well out there.

Update 1 - Just got back from the u/s and I spoke too soon. There is a sign of a cyst. If it isn't an estrogen producing cyst we can proceed. The blood work will tell us. Now we just wait for the call.

The toughest part was seeing the look on K's face. She was so disappointed. It hurt me so bad because I can remember how I felt after just about every u/s I had. It's so hard to not have any control over what your body is going to do in this process.

Update 2 - Got the call. We are good to go. They changed treatment and we're adding injectables to this cycle. I'm very excited!

Monday, April 27, 2009

Not this time...

K's Try #1 was negative. We tested first thing yesterday morning and it came up NOT PREGNANT so fast there wasn't any question. To really let us know it just wasn't meant to be this month...AF showed up about 2 hours later.

Good news is the process starts all over again Wednesday. No time sitting around feeling sorry for ourselves. We have to set up K's account with the Cryobank now that we are out of the original donor. We did pick a new donor. One that reflects more of me. I feel really good about this donor.

I don't know if I mentioned this yet but K and I decided not to tell anyone really close to us that we are trying again. Not parents or friends. I have to say I feel a huge weight has been lifted this morning knowing I don't have to tell my best friend or my Mother that it was negative. As we all know it can take multiple tries and to have to say month after month that it didn't work is just too hard for me. Of course I hope it won't take that many tries but I don't want the added stress.

I'm still keeping my fingers crossed for everyone else trying this month and in your TWW!

Friday, April 24, 2009

TWW is coming to an end...

This week has been crazy!!!

One home repair/improvement uncovered another major problem that left us more then 2 days without water! It was like camping in our own home. Oh, by the way, I hate camping!! :)

K goes to the RE Monday for a pg test so we're testing Sunday morning at home. We have no clue what it might say. Some signs say no. Some signs say yes. I know it is really driving her crazy. Me too, but I've learned when it's not your body it's really much easier to process. At least for me that is. I've now experienced both sides so I'm surprisingly calm during this TWW.

I will update Monday as soon as we get the offical word. I hope everyone is doing well.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Random update to pass the time during the TWW...

It's only been 2 days and it feels like it's been 2 weeks already. Next week we are going to be so busy and I know that will really help make the time pass. Plus, K's Mom is flying in to help dog sit while we have work done on the house. She'll be here Sunday - Thursday and we haven't told her that we're trying again and she really has no idea that K would even consider trying so we won't even be talking about it. I know I'm looking forward to the mental break of TTC.

Yesterday was our official 13 year anniversary. I worked 2 jobs yesterday so I didn't see her. So we were going to have dinner Tuesday evening even though K had school so I had planned to cook dinner and have it ready for her when she got home. I made marinated chicken breasts with baked potatoes. The chicken turned out so bad. The marinade on the chicken burnt in the broiler and it was uneatable. So, our anniversary dinner ended up being tacos. Not the evening I was planning but we got a good laugh out of it.

This facebook thing is turning out to be kinda fun. I'm still addicted to Mafia Wars and I'm reconnecting with some friends from 10-20 years ago that I have really missed over the years.

That's about it here. The pg test at the RE's office is in 11 days. Keep your fingers crossed. :)

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Baby Dust...

Everything went great this morning. My honey once again was so brave going through something that she isn't comfortable with as well as going through it for the first time and not knowing what to expect. They think she had a great cycle and there is 1 (maybe 2) good follicles. Heck you only need 1, right?? The sample had a count of 23 million. Now all we need is just 1 of those 23 million guys to find that 1 follicle.

Keep your fingers crossed ladies!!

Monday, April 13, 2009

Here we come 2WW....

Insem is scheduled...

The ultrasound Saturday morning still looked good. 2 good follicles. Originally they asked we come in again Monday for another u/s to check those follicles, but after our RE reviewed everything he had the nurse call back and told K to trigger yesterday and we'll insem Tuesday morning at 9am.

We're heading for K's first 2WW. Very exciting. She's very nervous but she says if she can get through the HSG (realizing after a day had past) that is wasn't the worst thing to happen, she's confident she will be able to continue. But she will still be nervous all the way up until it's over. It's the unknown. It's doing all of this for the first time that is really scary.

Me. I'm doing ok. I've got some of those non-bio mom fears coming up a little, but how I know everything is going to be ok is that wasn't the first thing I thought about when she told me the news from the RE's office. It was pure joy that we are still moving forward. Plus, she just seems to be doing and saying all the right things to ease my mind and take away any of my fears. We really seem to helping each other through everything in our new roles. It's nice.

Our weekend overall was great. We both worked Saturday then went out with friends Saturday night. Got up for church early Sunday, then out to breakfast, ran some errands, and most importantly got everything moved out of the basement and the lower level guest room because we're getting drain-tile installed next week. We needed to get all the heavy lifting done before the insem because I wouldn't let K do that kind of physical labor during a 2WW.

I hope everyone is doing well. I'll update again soon.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Our Luck Has Changed...

K's HSG yesterday looked great. Totally clear. No blocked tubes. No polyps. No cysts.

Today is her last night of clomid and we go in for an u/s tomorrow morning. We could be inseminating as early as Monday or Tuesday.

Can you believe all the good news???? I can't. She can't. K's mood and emotions are all over the place. It is hitting her hard that she has gone from never thinking she would carry EVER to being so close to her first insem and her body being the one that so far looks like it doesn't have any fertility issues. Because we've been through so much we're still cautious and we know that just because it all looks clear doesn't mean she'll get pregnant, but we still can't help but have that hope. My tests and ultrasounds always looked so bad. We're not used to leaving doctor's offices and hospitals with good news.

We still have 1 donor sample left from when I was going to try. We fill out paperwork with the lab tomorrow so we can use that sample for her try. That will save us over $600.

That's our TTC update. Since everything will now be about K I'll just say I'm exhausted. I work all the time and I feel like I'm getting pulled in so many directions. Between 2 jobs, K's doctors appointments and helping around the house I feel like I'm going to fall over some days. Good news is other then being really tired I'm not upset about how things are. My soul purpose is to take care of K. Now, that isn't really any different then before. :) Now, I really know I'm working so hard for a purpose. I still feel like we're a little crazy trying to get pregnant while K's out of work and if she got pregnant right away the baby would be coming when unemployment would be stopping. But we are both such hard workers and I know her unemployment situation is temporary and we both agree that we need to take advantage of her time off because if she was working on a jobsite (electrician) she would not have the flexibility to be doing this. Everything happens for a reason.....

So many thoughts....It can drive a girl crazy.

Hope all is well with all of you. Fingers crossed we have some good follies tomorrow.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Another Good Ultrasound...

Today's u/s looked great. Lining was where they wanted it and everything else still looked great. She already has 2 follicles started (one on each side), which the nurse said is fine and the clomid will just help them along. Thursday is her HSG. Send us all the good vibes you have that everything goes good with that.

If Thursday's HSG looks good the insem should be Monday or Tuesday.

I made sure that K knew of all your well wishes being sent to her during this process. I know she appreciates it just as much as I do and since she's the one going through the process it really helps to know there are people out there who can relate and who only want the best outcome for you.

Talk to you all again by Friday. I hope all is well out there!

Friday, April 3, 2009

So far so good...

First, thank you everyone for all the luck you are sending our way. The appointment went well this morning even though we left still feeling that things are up in the air.

K's cycle only started yesterday so even though we could call today Day 2 it is really more like Day 1 and her lining was still too thick for the RE to really see what he wanted to see. So, we'll be back at the RE's office Monday morning and they said if all looks good we move forward with clomid. We also have her HSG scheduled for April 9th. Good news is we left there with no bad news. Her u/s looked great otherwise. No random cysts, no signs of endometriosis, etc.

My K is being so brave. For some of us having someone in our "lady business" during that time of the month is not pleasant but we deal very well. Actually, I would look forward to it because I knew that meant the process was finally starting and I was moving forward. Well, my K doesn't like it one bit. Poor thing was just traumatized. Well, even through the trauma she is finding the hope & faith that she just might be able to give us the family we really want. See, we're sitting in the car after the appointment. She's still shaking a bit and in the middle of an anxiety attack when she turns to me and says. "If this works we're pulling a Julie & Heidi and having another one back to back. I want our child to have a sibling." Here I'm wondering if she's even going to get through the first IUI or even be able to get pregnant with #1 when she tells me she would get pregnant with a second. She never stops amazing me.

Have a great weekend everyone and I'll talk to you all again Monday afternoon.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

AF came early...

AF came early. Because K is going out of town our Day 3 u/s and labs is now Day 2 u/s and labs. :)

We find out tomorrow morning at 7:45am how things look and if we move forward or not.

Keep your fingers crossed everyone that K isn't cursed with the bad luck of infertility like I am. We really need a break. I don't know how much more bad news I can take.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009


There is really still no update. We're waiting for day 1 to come so we can schedule K's day 3 u/s, labs & HSG.

Since changing the plan we've been really thinking that this change is meant to be. K's insurance should cover some of the cost and both of my employers have adoption assistance. So, we'd finally be able to save money getting pregnant and we'd save money with the co-parent adoption. Well, I looked up the information yesterday for adoption assistance here at Job #1 and everything I was reading sounded great until I read the exclusions. It says they do not cover the cost of adoption if the child is related to your spouse. Will they see K as my spouse and tell me I won't get the $5,000 reimbursement??? I think they will. I think that will be their loop hole not to pay. But as I see it if I really was her spouse legally I wouldn't have to go through the cost of the co-parent adoption because we would be married and the baby would just legally be mine when born. I'm hoping they don't. See they do have domestic partner benefits but domestic partner is not spouse. I'm just going to hope they do the right thing.

I've decided to tackle one thing at a time. First, get through all the tests she'll be going through next week and hope all comes out ok. Next, get her pregnant. If they pay they pay. It won't stop the process and to tell you the truth we're used to getting what we want the hard way. We're used to things not working out. If we end up with a happy/healthy baby that will be the most important thing.

There is snow again here. We had a couple weeks of great weather. We were taking the puppies on walks that lasted 1 1/2 - 2 hours. I can't wait for those days again!

I hope all is well with all of you.