Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Another Delay

IVF #3 won't be until the beginning of February. My body isn't cooperating at the moment. I have a cyst or follicle that is pumping out estrogen which is bad so now I'm on provera as well as lupron to calm down my system and make it release whatever it is that is happening.

I'm trying like hell to start my new year positive and dieting to lose the baby depression weight. I'm trying like hell to not be depressed and hate life. But I don't think I'm really figuring out how to do that. K is struggling right along with me which I hate to see her in pain. We are surrounded by pregnant women and babies. And even though I would never deny anyone else any happiness and I would never want another woman to go through what I went through....It is so hard everyone's else’s joy in my face.

That may sound selfish. Maybe. But it's honest. I know one day that will change. I know time will heal me and time will ease my pain but for now everything is too new. Everything is too fresh and I relive the day my babies everyday.

So, I've cut out everything I love like sweets, pasta, rice, tortillas, etc. I love ice cream, Mexican food, junk food and I'm eating lean meat, egg whites and salads. I love to comfort eat and I can't do that.

That's about it for now.