10 weeks

I've hit the 10 week mark today.  Time is going by so slow.  Time went by so slow with my last pregnancy and I ended up losing that pregnancy so I'm so worried about this one.  Way more worried then I'm showing anyone.  We are going to tell family we're pregnant at 16 weeks but I still won't feel safe.  I lost the boys at 21 weeks.  I wish I could wait until 30 weeks.  But I can't live in a bubble. 

My life is changing.  Changing so much.  I thought I was good with change.  I thought I was strong but with all of this I'm figuring out that maybe I'm not so good with change.  Maybe I'm not as strong as I thought I was.  I don't know how I'm going to get through all of this.

7w 2d

Had a ultrasound today and the baby is perfect.  Measuring right on schedule and heart rate 142.

Picture just looks like a blob at the moment but it's a beautiful blob.

More to come.

posting just to post

I'm so tired today. Everything has been crazy.  I feel like all I want to do is crash and veg out all weekend but that isn't a possibility.  Tonight we are taking little Jonna to the movies and dinner tonight.  Tomorrow we have the washer repairman coming in the morning to look at the washer and then we have to run out and buy a twin bed and do some major grocery shopping because we will have Jonna in our home for 10 days starting Sunday.  So, this weekend will be jam packed!!

My ass is killing me from the progesterone shots.  They are creating lumps or knots under the skin and no amount of walking or heating pads or massage is helping them to go away and the pain is horrible. 

I don't feel pregnant which is scary.  I wasted $20 on expensive pregnancy test just to make sure it still says pregnant even though in my mind I know I'm 6 weeks but I had to see it again.

I have my ultrasound on Tuesday.  I hope everything is ok. 

I'm totally feeling sorry for myself these days.  My job is in limbo and my personal life is in overdrive.  Plus I found out today that my situation at work has become the topic of conversation and I'm being "gossiped" about.  Obviously they have nothing better to talk about. 

Wish me luck I get through the weekend.  :)