We took control...

First, I would like to apologize for my mini breakdown the other day. I know the comments came from a good place and I see how what was said was just taken wrong. So, please know that all of you mean so much to me and some of you described it best when you said that I am just really overwhelmed. I believe I am strong. I believe that through everything I stay positive and the other day I guess I just didn't handle things exactly the way I would have if I wasn't so down.

So, with that said ladies please know that I really do appreciate you all and I really appreciate all of comments and advise to my breakdown.

Here is what is going on with us. K and I went in for her Day 3 u/s this morning, which looked good by the way. When we sat down with the nurse to discuss the plan for this cycle she started with how we will start with the Bravelle injections and we'd be upping that dose. We said NO to that one. Our plan for this cycle is this. We want to start with Clomid. While on clomid we'd have the Saline Sonogram that our RE wants K to have. If there is an actual polyp and this cycle has to be cancelled then all we're out is less then $100 of clomid not $1,000 of Bravelle. If everything is good then we will start the Bravelle injections and they will be daily instead of every other day. When we told the nurse our plan she actually looked at us and said...."I think that plan sounds great". She will have a follicle check Monday morning and she is on the "On-Call List" for the Saline Sonogram. Our RE is doing all IVF procedures next week so procedures like ours has to be scheduled between those. We won't know what time our thing will be until the day before.

As I mentioned before we have limited insurance coverage left. If we are correct her insurance will end the end of October. We probably have enough "baby money" for November. If nothing is wrong that will give her 5 more tries. 3 if something is wrong. So, we've also decided that we're going to be more aggressive and some of the cycles we will do 2 insems per cycle. I know there is no real evidence to support that it increases the chances all that much, and if we had more time I would save the sperm money, but we are limited so why not go all out while we can??? Right?

I am feeling better today. I'm the luckiest girl in the whole world to have K in my life. We work so well together when it comes to these difficult times and we really do understand each other.

That's the update. Looks like the plans are in place. We know what were going to do no matter what the test says and we're moving forward.

Thanks....

I don't think I've ever had responses back to one of my posts before where I read them feeling bad. I've been reminded (once in the comments section and once in an email) that it has only been 3 tries. Is that supposed to make it easier for me? Does the fact that K's only had 3 tries take away everything I went through before she started trying with 2 surgeries and $20,000 of debt? All that comes to mind is I must have sounded stupid. Or maybe ridiculous. Who knows. I'm not an angry blogger. I even think my "I'm feeling sorry for myself" posts are actually pretty calm in comparison to some I read. Which is ok. We're all different, but I never thought in this community I would feel like what I had to say or how I felt wasn't as important as the rest.

I have alot more I could be complaining about. I could tell you that the day I came to work and told a co-worker that I was going to start trying she said, yeah me too. Stopped the pill that day and she just had TWINS two weeks ago. Or how about my good friend Erik who knew I wanted to try but couldn't because I needed surgery first, then when I went back to the RE they found those damn random cysts so when I was told I could actually proceed with my first try he thought it was safe to tell me his wife was pregnant. Well, she gave birth YESTERDAY and here I sit with no baby, no pregnancy and I'm not even the one trying anymore. Now, while dealing with my own feelings of loss, I'm supporting my honey through this who is very upset that she is now just getting her own BFN's and she has to go through another horrible test. She now has those feeling of guilt that her body may be failing her.

Just please don't remind me that I haven't had as many tries as maybe some of you out there, because I think what I've been through to have those few tries was alot and doesn't make my pain any less then anyone elses.

Negative Again

It was another BFN.

The official blood test was yesterday but we tested Sunday morning and knew we weren't pregnant.

Now that K didn't get pregnant they want to do a Saline Sonogram. There are problems with this. First I don't think there is anything wrong with her. They want to look for a polyp that wasn't found when K had the HSG. Wasn't there for 12-15 u/s that have been done during the last 3 cycles. Next, this procedure needs to be done on day 5 or 6 but according to the receptionist she talked to the Doctor is in procedures all next week and isn't available. We will be on some kind of On-Call list. Really???

We don't have time for this. As most of you know who have been following my blog for a while K was laid off this past January. Her insurance is going to end soon. She has maybe 3 months left. So, we have only 3-4 tries left. If we have to miss this cycle because they find a polyp and then miss the next cycle for surgery to remove the polyp then that leaves us with 1-2 tries left.

We have decided that once the insurance is gone and the "baby money" is gone we are stopping. I'm sure we will try to put away money and save what we can so maybe we can try again in the future.

She will go in for her day 3 u/s and she will still start the meds for this cycle. We're going to ask for a clomid/Bravelle combination because clomid doesn't cost so much and then the test will be done. Best case is they find nothing wrong and the cycle continues without problems and we will be able to keep trying for the next 4 months. Worst case is they find something and this cycle gets cancelled and we can't try again until after surgery and we miss at least 2 months.

I truly believe that there isn't going to be anything wrong. Let's hope I'm right.

Pregnancies Everywhere....

The list of blogs I follow that are still TTC is now officially a shorter list then the list of blogs I've moved under PREGGO!! Wow, is something in the water and if so can someone send us some???

It's a babyboom around here and I couldn't be happier for all of you. Send out your lucky baby vibes to the rest of us! I look forward to sharing this new phase of your journey with you.

TWW - 1 week down.

We are 1 week into our TWW. K's out of town again. Yes, again. She is gone all the time. This time she's in Arizona visiting her Mom & Step Dad. Her Step Dad built a garage and he needs K's help putting the electrical in.

Things are starting to get a little stressful. We had a bit of a fight last week. Nothing earth shattering, but it wasn't fun. The stress is getting to both us. I work all the time which is so stressful and since she's laid off and only working part time that is stressful for her and we rarely see eachother. For the first time in a very long we both just broke down.

Saturday evening a couple friends came over and for a guitar hero session. Well wine & guitar hero. It was fun and took my mind off of TTC for an evening.

I'm hoping and praying so hard for a BFP this cycle. Keep your fingers crossed ladies!

Another Update

Once again here we are in a TWW. We insem'd yesterday and everything went great. Our donor sample was 25 million with over 50% motility and K had 2 follicles. This sample is much better then the first sample we used from this donor which was 11 million and only 30% motility. We were very happy with the improved numbers.

During Saturday's u/s we were asked if K had an HSG. Of course she did, why??? They think they might have seen a polyp. I'm like, REALLY??? I don't think so. She has had probably 15 ultrasounds over the last 3 months and you haven't seen a thing. She had an HSG which was clear as a bell and now, all of a sudden, you see a polyp in that fuzzy picture???? I really don't think so. But I guess the next step, if she doesn't get a BFP, will be a saline sonogram that the RE will do. I guess that test will show a very clear picture of the uterus. First, we're going to be pregnant this round so this will be a non-issue. But I guess my next question would be... If this is such a great test and her insurance has been covering all of these tests why didn't we just do the test in the first place?? Why weren't we told about it as an option?? We haven't said no to a single test because after going through everything we've been through with me and how much money we've spent we want to be informed. We want to know if anything is wrong and for 3 months everything has been perfect with K.

Can you hear my frustration???

I've put K on pretty much couch rest whenever possible for the next 2 weeks. I'm not chancing anything. I really have a good feeling about this one. I have to stay positive because if I don't I think I'm going to lose it. Of course I'm strong and I would pull it back together, but in the meantime I would really lose it.

That's it for now. Send us all the good vibes you have.

Update

TTC update: K's U/S went great this morning. One dominate follicle on each side. One 12mm and one 14mm on day 8. A couple more days of shots and then another U/S on Saturday morning. They are predicting that the insem will probably fall on Monday or Tuesday.

Life update: I'm very busy and working all the time. We finally got the stairs re-built going down to the basement. Well, I should say K got the stairs rebuilt. I'm not all that handy. I did however sew a couple buttons on her shorts. :)

That's about it in our world. Hope everyone is doing well.