Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Our Worst Nightmare

K's spotting got worse. She called me crying yesterday in total fear that she was losing the baby. She called the RE's office, again. They again, reassured her that 50% of all woman spot/bleed in during the first trimester. They calmed her down, but just for more reassurance they had her come in today for another Beta instead of waiting until Friday. Our last beta was 170 2 days ago. Today was only 135. They said they were sorry, but it looked like there was no hope for a viable pregnancy.

My precious K is so devastated. It's not fair. But I guess you can say life isn't fair. We really only did have 2 tries left. Now we are down to one. We thought maybe just once something as wonderful as this was going to happen for us. We thought this was our time. Well, we weren't that lucky, but we still have eachother. And I am the luckiest girl in the world to have someone so wonderful who tried so hard to give me "The Ultimate Gift". And we knew love for our unborn child even if just for a few weeks.

34 comments:

  1. I discovered your blog on the day that you got your BFP. I was elated for you. Tears are streaming down my face as I read this. I have thought of you both daily and said little prayers along the way. I wanted this for you. I could tell that you both wanted it every bit as much as K and I wanted our baby. I am so very heartbroken for you both. You do not walk alone. Your baby will forever be loved.

    With regard to future days..
    I personally needed a way to celebrate the life that was all to short lived and so badly wanted. I then discovered there is such a thing as "pregnancy loss" jewelry. Who knew? Anyway, it has become my most valued piece of jewelry. It is discreet and doesn't invite unwanted questions. For me, it is a precious memorial that I get to keep with me at all times since I didn't think to ask for my first u/s picture. I certainly understand that this may not appeal to everyone. Again, my sincerest regrets. May God bless you both and give you comfort during this horrible time.

    www.labelledame.com

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  2. No no no no no no. I am so sorry. This loss is beyond unfair and beyond heartbreaking. You are both in my heart and in my thoughts.

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  3. I can't tell you how sorry I am to hear this. Please know that I am sending lots of love and healing to you and K. Let her know that we are thinking of her and holding you both in our hearts. This is going to be very hard.

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  4. I am so so sorry for your loss. It is a total nightmare. I wish I could make you feel better. If you ever need to talk, feel free to email me and I will be there, if you want to talk to a voice, I'll happily give you my number. Know that your baby will never be forgotten and will always be remembered in my heart.

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  5. This is just horribly unfair. I'm so sorry. Thinking of you both.

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  6. I am so very very sorry. I wish I could say or do more. I am thinking of you both and sending hugs and love your way.

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  7. I can't believe it! I'm so very sorry. Thinking of you both

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  8. Oh god. Girls. My heart and soul go out to you. I have nothing to say but I am listening and I am here.

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  9. I'm so sorry. I wish life could just be fair for once.

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  10. I am so sorry for both of you. We are here for you!

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  11. Words can’t express how sorry I am to hear the hurt you are both experiencing. You are some of the most caring and wonderful people I have been blessed to know and I am so saddened that this is happening to you!

    Please know you are in my thoughts and I am sending lots of love.

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  12. Oh, I am so sorry. You DO have the Ultimate Gift in each other. What a horrible blow. You are in my thoughts.

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  13. So unfair. My heart breaks for you. I'm so sorry.

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  14. I am so sorry to read that you all are going through this.

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  15. I am so very sorry. So so very sorry.

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  16. *heavy sigh* i was away for a couple weeks and have been getting caught up on what i missed. sadly, i started with your BFP post and was jumping for joy. im so sorry that this isnt "the one".

    im sending you both tons and tons of positive energy and keeping my fingers crossed for your next try.

    in the meantime, im gonna find an old lady and kick her in the shins in honor of you and how fucking unfair life can be!!

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  17. I'm so so sorry. I'm glad that you're doing what you can to honor the pregnancy. It's very important to celebrate how far you got. I hope like h.e.doublehockeysticks that your next try gets you to the finish line. I will be cheering for you both, and thinking about you during this crushing time.

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  18. DAMN!! I'm crying at my desk read this. I love you girls and this is so UNFAIR!!!

    A., you have such a great attitude about this, and K., you are such a sweetheart, it breaks my heart to think of what you're going through.

    Julianne and I are thinking of you over here and sending you love!!

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  19. My heart sobs for you. I'm so terribly sorry for your loss.

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  20. A & K, I can't even begin to put into words how unfair and how sorry I am for your loss. There is a piece of me hurting. When your BEST friend and her wonderful K is hurting you can't help but hurt too. I was praying this was the one. I felt your joy and hope of this finally being the one. It's been such a long frustrating journey, the both of you are such wonderful people and you deserve this. I wish there was something I could do to help the both of you through this. You're in my heart, my thoughts and my prayers. I love you both and wanted you to know I am here for both of you. XOXOXOXO

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  21. I am so sorry girls. My heart filled with sadness for you when I saw your post.

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  22. for all of us who had miscarriages.. we UNDERSTAND the pain of the lose. You will NEVER forget how happy you were for the BFP and how sad you feel now. I can only give you a hug and say- SOMEDAY you will be parents. Hang in there for now. eat something really yummy.. and give each other lots of hugs. We are thinking of you.

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  23. Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo! I hate how unfair all of this is. I am so so sorry that this is happening. My heart is breaking for you girls. I'm sending you both so much love.

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  24. So very, very sorry for you both. We are thinking of you and wish you both healing as you work through this process together. ((((hugs))))

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  25. This is truly the worst news. I can't believe it - it's so friggin not fair. I don't know what to say except I'm sending you love and strength:)

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  26. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Take this time to grieve and be there for each other. You both are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  27. My heart is absolutely breaking for you right now. You will both be in my thoughts. This is just not fair. Not fair at all.

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  28. I am so deeply sorry. I, too discovered your blog with your BFP, and I too just recently lost the pregnancy from my first BFP. My wife and I started trying in July '08 and we tested positive on December 17 '09. We lost our almost-baby on December 26th. You are not alone. I know it doesn't make the hurt less, but you really are NOT alone.
    hugs

    angelina

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  29. I'm incredibly sorry. It's times like these that the world makes such little sense.

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  30. No no NO NO NO. NOOOO. I am so sorry to hear this tragic, tragic news. Please know I am thinking of you.

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