Beautiful Day

K's birthday was wonderful.

Wednesday evening we went to a baseball game with people K works with. Thursday morning we both got massages and then out to breakfast. We spent the rest of the day relaxing until a wonderful dinner at Benhiana. YUM!!

I do feel like we are getting back to normal. We finally feel like we are healing a little bit from the TTC process. Things feel alot better these days. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Have a great weekend everyone!!

Sometimes it all comes rushing back...

I ran into a friend. I call her a friend. We know eachother through work about 4 years now and almost 2 years ago now she had twins. She got pregnant at try 3 and like I said had 2. No major drugs involved and only AI. Good for her. I wouldn't wish 8 unsuccessful tries, a miscarriage, thousands of dollars of injectable drugs on anyone. I just wouldn't. It wasn't fun. Whether it was my body or K's. It wasn't fun being on either end of that.

So, I run into her and the entire conversation (a good 45 minutes of conversation) was about her kids, her nanny leaving, daycare problems, how much they are talking, etc.

OMG!!! I wanted to punch her!! The only time she did ask how I was I think I said 2 sentences before she changed the subject back to her and her kids. And then she brought up adoption which I could have maybe expanded on that subject, but she didn't give me the chance. Also, which really made me want to punch her was when she actually tried to say she understood how I felt in my situation because she has alot of people "around" her who have had trouble getting pregnant. I just couldn't believe how insensitive she was. She has no idea. She has 2 beautiful kids to go home to everyday. I don't. I call it the 3-B's. BROKE, BITTER AND BABYLESS. That is what I am. I'm trying like hell not to be bitter. I am not that kind of person to ever be bitter to anyone else. I don't live my life that way. I don't mind that she is happy. I don't mind hearing about her kids, but when someone stops caring about you because they have no focus other then themselves that is when I have to distance myself.

Well, that is my vent session of the day and I now I need to take a few deep breaths and forget that even happened. I'm sure it will be months before we see eachother again.

Have a good weekend everyone.

I'm still alive

Hi everyone. I'm still here. Working all the time, but I'm really enjoying just the weekend thing at job #2. I love going home every evening. I know I'll be working 7 days a week, I was already working 6 as well as at least 2 nights a week getting home at 11pm.

I'm still following all my dear friends in blogland. Especially those who are still trying. Sometimes I don't know what to say. I want so bad so say something comforting, but then I relive my own experience and all I can think is there isn't anything anyone can really say that helps. So, I still try and pray that everything will be ok.

Along the same lines my Mom told me yesterday that my brother's girlfriend lost the baby. Even though they are unmarried, unemployed, uninsured, and living with my parents and are crazy to bring a baby into that situation I still feel terrible for them. She is 41 and from what my Mom said this is her 3rd miscarriage. I know she wants a child, which is something I can totally relate to.

I've been thinking more and more about adoption lately. With job loss and all the medical debt we have to pay off from TTC as well as the blood clot I had a year ago I know it will be a while before we can really try again. So, with time against us because of age I'm thinking adoption is probably better. I told this to K. We weren't in the right place to have a huge discussion, but I let her know that I wasn't giving up the dream but maybe we need to look at other options because when we're ready age is going to be a huge factor. I don't know.

That is about it for now. All I can write anyway. Good luck everyone.

Update

I'm still here and I want my blog-family to know I'm sending all of you still trying all the babydust I have and thinking of all of you daily. This process is so hard and not matter how much you do to try and make it work in the end we have no control over the outcome.

K really likes the new job. She will be working so much but at least she is at a place where she sees a future. I know she really misses the people at the company she just left. After 9 years she made friendships that will last forever. Because K will be working so many hours and her shift will change every month I decided to work weekends only at Job #2. There are good and bad to this. I'll start with the bad. I will be working 7 days a week and there is a chance of my hours getting cut. The good is I will never have to work another double ever again. I will also only have to go to that place only 2 days a week instead of 3-4 day a week. I am really looking forward to going home every evening after work Monday-Friday. This is my last week of the old schedule. 2 more doubles left and then every evening will be mine. We'll see if I'm still happy a few months from now. :)

My parents arrive Thursday. They are coming in for a long weekend. I will still be working a bit. So, with both K and I working and my Mom has plans with her cousins my Dad will have the house to himself Friday evening. Knowing my Dad he will really enjoy the peace and quiet. He'll find a CSI marathon on TV and kick back.

I don't know if I've ever mentioned this but I feed the critters in my neighborhood. I have 3 bird feeders and a squirrel feeder up. I have another squirrel feeder that I recently purchased that I will have my Dad attach to the tree when he's in town. I love watching them all. I throw peanuts, corn and sunflower seeds all over the front yard daily. There are 4-5 squirrels in the yard at any given moment. I've even had ducks come to eat and of course the rabbits. They don't even run away anymore when we come out. They just know it's a safe place to be.

We also finished planting the flower beds in the front. I picked daylillies and haustas because they are low maintenance, hardy and will get bigger every year.

That's about it on this end. I hope all is well out there.