Friday, August 20, 2010

Sometimes it all comes rushing back...

I ran into a friend. I call her a friend. We know eachother through work about 4 years now and almost 2 years ago now she had twins. She got pregnant at try 3 and like I said had 2. No major drugs involved and only AI. Good for her. I wouldn't wish 8 unsuccessful tries, a miscarriage, thousands of dollars of injectable drugs on anyone. I just wouldn't. It wasn't fun. Whether it was my body or K's. It wasn't fun being on either end of that.

So, I run into her and the entire conversation (a good 45 minutes of conversation) was about her kids, her nanny leaving, daycare problems, how much they are talking, etc.

OMG!!! I wanted to punch her!! The only time she did ask how I was I think I said 2 sentences before she changed the subject back to her and her kids. And then she brought up adoption which I could have maybe expanded on that subject, but she didn't give me the chance. Also, which really made me want to punch her was when she actually tried to say she understood how I felt in my situation because she has alot of people "around" her who have had trouble getting pregnant. I just couldn't believe how insensitive she was. She has no idea. She has 2 beautiful kids to go home to everyday. I don't. I call it the 3-B's. BROKE, BITTER AND BABYLESS. That is what I am. I'm trying like hell not to be bitter. I am not that kind of person to ever be bitter to anyone else. I don't live my life that way. I don't mind that she is happy. I don't mind hearing about her kids, but when someone stops caring about you because they have no focus other then themselves that is when I have to distance myself.

Well, that is my vent session of the day and I now I need to take a few deep breaths and forget that even happened. I'm sure it will be months before we see eachother again.

Have a good weekend everyone.


  1. You sound just like me. There are some moms-of-3-kids-with-no-effort that I feel need a good punch from people like us. And we too have had 8 unsuccessful IUIs, a 9th that was a miscarriage, and are waiting to see what the latest injectible cycle is, plus 2 failed adoptions, the latest of which made us completely and totally broke, no savings, no credit. On top of which I may get laid off this year. BROKE, BITTER and BABYLESS just about sums it all up!

  2. I'm sorry that I can't empathize with you in your struggles to have a child. All I can say is how much my heart goes out to you.

    I personally don't want kids, and I am also sick to DEATH of people who can't talk about anything except their kids. People who used to be sane, rational, have-a-life people all of a sudden don't have anything else to talk about.

    I too love other people's kids, but I don't want to talk just about them every time I see someone. I also think that's it's REALLY insensitive for that person to talk only about her kids knowing what you have been through. She could at least be sensitive to what you are going through.

    I say tell her how insensitive it is to not think about you are feeling, and how rude it is to talk constantly about yourself and turn the conversation to yourself all the time.

  3. Thinking of you dear. Having recently experienced a very similar occurrence. I’m right there with you. I’m sure no words can help to sooth the frustration and hurt you’re feeling.

    I try to remind myself that this experience (ttc and infertility) is all encompassing and I imagine having a child is even more so.

    It is easy to get lost in it all (parenthood or infertility) and forget the experiences and pains of those around us. I imagine this woman’s insensitive was actually her attempt to connect and reflect how changed her life is… but she failed on delivering her message respectfully.

    Just know I’m sending love and thinking of you both often.

  4. eff her. I think you should just punch her next time! Thinking about you guys (((hugs)))

  5. People are just plain stooopid sometimes. I'm sorry. :(

  6. I'm sorry, hon. People are shit.