Another Day

Just thought I'd pop in and let you all know we're still here. We are surviving. Barely.

This sounds so redundant today but thank you for all your kind words. Redundant because it wasn't that long ago I was thanking you all for kind words to our wonderful news. Now it's for all your support to our horrible news.

Of course we're both mad a the world, but trying like hell to not let it consume us.

She goes back to the doctor Tuesday for another bloodtest to confirm she miscarried. It was scheduled for Monday, but we changed it. She works Monday's. So, why disrupt her day and leave work for something she knows the answer to already.

We go on vacation soon. 2 weeks from now we'll be relaxing in Arizona. We really need it. It is still going to be very hard since she was going to tell her Mom she was pregnant on this trip.

It's all just so sad.

Our Worst Nightmare

K's spotting got worse. She called me crying yesterday in total fear that she was losing the baby. She called the RE's office, again. They again, reassured her that 50% of all woman spot/bleed in during the first trimester. They calmed her down, but just for more reassurance they had her come in today for another Beta instead of waiting until Friday. Our last beta was 170 2 days ago. Today was only 135. They said they were sorry, but it looked like there was no hope for a viable pregnancy.

My precious K is so devastated. It's not fair. But I guess you can say life isn't fair. We really only did have 2 tries left. Now we are down to one. We thought maybe just once something as wonderful as this was going to happen for us. We thought this was our time. Well, we weren't that lucky, but we still have eachother. And I am the luckiest girl in the world to have someone so wonderful who tried so hard to give me "The Ultimate Gift". And we knew love for our unborn child even if just for a few weeks.

Beta #2

Beta #2 was 170 at 17 days past IUI. Her first Beta was 36 4 days ago so doubling every 2 days we were looking for at least 144 or better. They will be doing another beta on Friday. We need that one to be 680 or more. I hear about all these Beta numbers that are so much higher at this stage. Of course just about everyone I know are having multiples, but I just hope these aren't low.

The nurse was able to calm her down a little, but I think this is going to be the norm for her for a while.

That's about it for now. Good thoughts only for a healthy 9 months and healthy baby!!

Going Crazy

K is going crazy. She has had some light spotting almost daily since we found out she was pregnant. For the most part it's that brownish color that they say is normal and you shouldn't worry. Sometimes it's a little more pink but this morning I got a call that it was red. She is really stressing out. I tell her not to worry and it's normal but she just can't calm down.

We go today for another beta and I've already called the office to see if we can get some time with one of the nurses so we can talk to someone about what's happening.

We really need this beta number to be great and I'm hoping for a quick exam so K can see that everything is ok.

Send good thoughts that nothing is wrong and we are just over reacting because we don't know any better.

Thank You!

Good morning everyone. First I have to say thank you so much for all the well wishes. It means so much to me. More importantly it really meant so much to K.

Since I started the blog a year ago we were looking back on the time line and realized that the blog hasn't really been about me. The majority of my journey happened months before I started writing. Shortly after I started this blog we realized that our dream of me carrying wasn't going to happen and turned our focus on K. She still let this blog be mine and from my point of view. So, she hadn't really spent any time reading what I wrote. She wanted me to be able to write from the heart and to not be worried about anything I wanted to say. So, last night while she read all the comments from everyone she was chocked up. It really meant alot to her. It just confirmed what she already knew and that is this is such a supportive community and believes it is a safe place to talk about everything and anything.

She also stuck around to catch up on alot of your blogs. She read a couple of them out loud and felt everything they were feeling. She laughed with all the funny stories and cried with all the sad ones.

We've decided to keep this blog going. She wants it to stay mine even though it's all about her. She says I've done a good job. Our TTC blog is taking the next step to the pregnancy blog and we hope for all the best for a healthy pregnancy!

Love you all!