Monday, March 2, 2009

Everything is so quiet...

I feel like I'm in such a dark place right now. I jumped into TTC with both feet. Had 2 major "procedures" & spent so much money for everything to just come to a complete stop. I got the bill for opening my tubes and that was $8,800. I called the hospital today to make payment arrangements since insurance doesn't pay anything related to fertility, but the guy wouldn't make payment arrangements. He insisted that the bill be sent for review to see if the coding was correct. I know it was and I know insurance won't pay, but I let him do it anyway.

I'm back to working my second job 3 days a week. You'd think that would help keep my mind off of the fact that so much stuff in my world is just going so wrong, but it isn't. I feel like I'm being a complete "Debbie Downer". Have you seen that skit on Saturday Night Live?? I'm trying hard not to complain. I need to find a productive focus.

My newest non-productive focus...Mafia Wars on facebook. I'm addicted. It's such a stupid game but it's so mindless and all you need is time, which I have. Facebook also is outing me to a few of my old high school friends who have found me out there and they are requesting my friendship and as soon as I confirm the friendship they will see pictures of K & I. Or they ask "What have you been up to the last 20 years?" So, I'm now out to people I haven't talked to in a long time. I guess I could just ignore their little friend request and not give them access but a few of them say stuff like they've been looking for me for years, & how happy they are they found me & how they could cry, etc. Seeing how some of them react to this will really tell me what kind of person they've become.

Mom called me the other day and I can tell she so desperately wants to find something to talk to me about. She tried to talk to me about "the baby's God Parents". I told her that K & I aren't talking about a baby that I'm not even pregnant with anymore and that since I'm having so many difficulties I don't want to talk about it at all. She felt bad and maybe I was hard on her, but she just doesn't think before she speaks.

K was out of town again this past weekend. I'm sure that contributed to my depression this weekend. She comes home today and I really hope that helps my mood.

I have alot of catching up to do with all of you. I hope everything is going better for all of you.


  1. I'm so sorry that you're in such a difficult place. And I'm so sorry that the procedure was so much more than you were told/expected. I would push them harder on the costs. In this economy everyone is having trouble, and having you pay it slowly is better/in their interest, better than having you not be able to pay. Also, can you poke around a bit on the coding? I had an HSG last year that was coded "infertility" and I had no fertility coverage/insurance at that point and I was going to have to pay $1000. I got them to re-code it something like "disorder of the uterus" and that was covered so I was billed only like $200. I guess that was diagnostic, and so maybe a little easier to fudge. There really may not be a reason to open tubes other than fertility. I'm sorry it is so stressful. Big hugs.

  2. aw, hon, im so sorry you are feeling so down. hope you and k are able to snuggle up and cheer up one another tonight. big, big hugs!

  3. oh - I'm so sorry that you are feeling so down. I have to say I understand the need for mindless but comforting activity when feeling like this - i.e. mafia wars. I hope the blues lift soon. I am sure they will - but you are right - you do need something positive to focus on. Is there some activity that you can get hooked on that is productive? a class you want to take? something like that? I took a singing class during my IVF and it really got me through some of the worse times because I had to keep going even when I didn't want to, and it actually got the endorphins going.
    take care - and I hope your honey comforts you and helps you feel better. You definitely need some pampering. Sorry about the big bill - that sucks!!
    this whole no infertility insurance thing is such a scam! Yeuch! You think it would be like this if men had blocked tubes?sheesh!!

  4. I'm sorry you're feeling so down, sometimes it is just all so damn hard. I hope that the hospital guy comes up with something to help - however much of a long shot it may seem.

    Facebook is a funny thing, definitely passes time and definitely addictive lol I find it really interesting how we connect to all these people that otherwise we would never have found again, even if only for a sentence or two. I also find it amusing to see people from school skip around the 'are you gay' questions- sometimes it's annoying but mostly I can laugh.

    Hope you're feeling a bit better now that K's home :)

  5. hope that you guys find some light at the end of this tunnel :o) ((( Hugs )))

  6. things arent going too well here. i just posted the world's most depressing post. i hope we both start feeling better soon