I feel like I'm in such a dark place right now. I jumped into TTC with both feet. Had 2 major "procedures" & spent so much money for everything to just come to a complete stop. I got the bill for opening my tubes and that was $8,800. I called the hospital today to make payment arrangements since insurance doesn't pay anything related to fertility, but the guy wouldn't make payment arrangements. He insisted that the bill be sent for review to see if the coding was correct. I know it was and I know insurance won't pay, but I let him do it anyway.
I'm back to working my second job 3 days a week. You'd think that would help keep my mind off of the fact that so much stuff in my world is just going so wrong, but it isn't. I feel like I'm being a complete "Debbie Downer". Have you seen that skit on Saturday Night Live?? I'm trying hard not to complain. I need to find a productive focus.
My newest non-productive focus...Mafia Wars on facebook. I'm addicted. It's such a stupid game but it's so mindless and all you need is time, which I have. Facebook also is outing me to a few of my old high school friends who have found me out there and they are requesting my friendship and as soon as I confirm the friendship they will see pictures of K & I. Or they ask "What have you been up to the last 20 years?" So, I'm now out to people I haven't talked to in a long time. I guess I could just ignore their little friend request and not give them access but a few of them say stuff like they've been looking for me for years, & how happy they are they found me & how they could cry, etc. Seeing how some of them react to this will really tell me what kind of person they've become.
Mom called me the other day and I can tell she so desperately wants to find something to talk to me about. She tried to talk to me about "the baby's God Parents". I told her that K & I aren't talking about a baby that I'm not even pregnant with anymore and that since I'm having so many difficulties I don't want to talk about it at all. She felt bad and maybe I was hard on her, but she just doesn't think before she speaks.
K was out of town again this past weekend. I'm sure that contributed to my depression this weekend. She comes home today and I really hope that helps my mood.
I have alot of catching up to do with all of you. I hope everything is going better for all of you.
1 year ago