I don't think I've ever had responses back to one of my posts before where I read them feeling bad. I've been reminded (once in the comments section and once in an email) that it has only been 3 tries. Is that supposed to make it easier for me? Does the fact that K's only had 3 tries take away everything I went through before she started trying with 2 surgeries and $20,000 of debt? All that comes to mind is I must have sounded stupid. Or maybe ridiculous. Who knows. I'm not an angry blogger. I even think my "I'm feeling sorry for myself" posts are actually pretty calm in comparison to some I read. Which is ok. We're all different, but I never thought in this community I would feel like what I had to say or how I felt wasn't as important as the rest.
I have alot more I could be complaining about. I could tell you that the day I came to work and told a co-worker that I was going to start trying she said, yeah me too. Stopped the pill that day and she just had TWINS two weeks ago. Or how about my good friend Erik who knew I wanted to try but couldn't because I needed surgery first, then when I went back to the RE they found those damn random cysts so when I was told I could actually proceed with my first try he thought it was safe to tell me his wife was pregnant. Well, she gave birth YESTERDAY and here I sit with no baby, no pregnancy and I'm not even the one trying anymore. Now, while dealing with my own feelings of loss, I'm supporting my honey through this who is very upset that she is now just getting her own BFN's and she has to go through another horrible test. She now has those feeling of guilt that her body may be failing her.
Just please don't remind me that I haven't had as many tries as maybe some of you out there, because I think what I've been through to have those few tries was alot and doesn't make my pain any less then anyone elses.
1 year ago