It's another NO this cycle and yes, that is sad. But what is even more sad is that I think we've decided to stop trying.
While talking about our next try we decided to go through our finances. With everything laid out in front of us it was such a shock and such a wake up call to just how much we have spent on this already. What we owe because of TTC already.
I have no idea if we'll change our minds and go for another try or two. I doubt it, but I guess at this point anything is possible.
This is a very sad day in our lives. I hope I can keep on posting. I hope I can continue to be happy for all of my friends who have recently found out they are pregnant, and for the friends who will soon become pregnant. I hope I can get out of this bitter angry hole that I feel is so deep that I can't see any way out. I hope I can find the strength to know I will be living the rest of my life childless like Queerstork did and with as much grace as she did.
I want to thank all of you out there in blogland for all your support and I wish you all the best of luck in your journeys.
Sincerely,
Abby & Kathy
8 years ago
I'm so sorry. Wishing you happiness and joy, whatever the future holds for you. {{{}}}
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry that this is the crossroads you've come to. I hope you find what you need.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry.
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine the anguish you're in right now. I admire that you want to get to a place of grace and acceptance, and encourage you to give yourself time to grieve and heal. I'll be thinking about you, and hoping you find others who can provide support and empathy through the transition.
I'll be thinking about you both.
Oh, honey, I am so sorry. You get to feel however you need to feel, the rest of us be damned. Just know that we are here to love and support you no matter where life takes you. Take good care of each other. Hugs to you both.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your BFN and for your current struggles. I can't imagine the decision you are forced to make and if you decide to continue with the blog for venting, support or whatever, we are here for you. Much love.
ReplyDeleteOh why couldn't it have worked this cycle!? I'm so sorry! I wish you both all the best no matter which decision you make.
ReplyDeleteIt is sad, Abby. But I am hopeful that you both will be parents one way or the other. We are here for you always.
ReplyDeleteOh Abby, I am so sorry. I know how much you want a child. This must be so hard but I really respect that you guys are able to put your relationship above a dream. If you take a break and just cannot get to a happy place, remember that there are still tons of other family-making options out there.
ReplyDeleteI am so very sorry.Putting the dream away is incredibly painful. I hope that you are able to find peace no matter your decision. I will still be reading and thinking of you often. Lots of love and hugs to you both.
ReplyDeleteI'm so very sorry. Take all the time you need to heal and deal with the huge weight you are both carrying. I'll stop by often to see how you are doing.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for both of you. It's so unfair that these decisions come down to money, when you obviously want a child so badly. I hope you can get to the good place you are searching for. Hugs to you both.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the kind nod. We were also at a place where we'd spent nearly $20k and had to make a decision - spend another 10k? 20k? to keep trying or to find acceptance in all of this. Let me say that acceptance is attainable and it feels great.
ReplyDeleteThat's not to say that there aren't ups and downs - I still feel jealousy pangs from time to time... but the point is that they are becoming less frequent the more and more I focus on all that we're GAINING from living child-free. Explore that side of life for a while and see if it doesn't bring you some comfort. If you spend time on that side of things and, after months and months, still feel yourselves painfully longing for a child then revisit things with a clearer mind and heart (and a fuller piggybank).
All that to say that you have your full lives ahead of you and no decision needs to be final. If you spend less time in the certainty of it all (I must have a child, I must have a child to be happy, We need a child) then you may find yourself more and more devastated. Enjoy the freedom of uncertainty.
I never dreamed that I'd be the poster child for the happy-after-TTCers but here we are. It's not so bad once the initial sting starts to fade. Actually, it's pretty terrific.
Start by reading Corinne Maier's No Kids and see if that doesn't leave you feeling just a little grateful. Hugs to you on this very, very hard day.
Darlings,
ReplyDeleteI'm sad that you aren't trying anymore but just because it seems like you weren't ready to do so. I hope you will continue to post. I'm interested to hear about ttc, babies, kids, adoption and about how to move on to. It could be very cathartic to do it.
Wishing you a sudden windfall, peace and every happiness in the world.
I'm sorry. I hope this is only a break, if that's what you want it to be, and not an end to the road. Lots of love.
ReplyDeleteI wish I knew what to say to some how help you through this decision...
ReplyDeleteYou are right- I went to read queerstork... very empowering..
Now is the time to come together even more- be carefree.. live, love, laugh--
Your path will find you- you do not need to seek it.
I wish I were closer to give you big hugs and pour you a glass of wine...
Casey
I hate that this has to happen to people. I hate that you have been beaten down.
ReplyDeleteI hope this isn't the end of your journey. I hope that you don't stop posting. I hope that this isn't the end of your hope.
Big huge warm hugs.
I was so sad to read this post and to hear that it's come to this. Please know that no matter what you decide, I will be here cheering you on.
ReplyDeleteLots and lots of love and hugs to you both.
Abby my BEST FRIEND, I know you've been going through this for so long and to even try and talk about it is harder then I can even imagine. I can't even tell you how much you and our friendship means to me. I'm crying over here just trying to write this. You mean the world to me and when we talk I can feel your pain. It's so hard to see the one you care about the most in pain and I can't do a damn thing about it. It hurts me so much wishing I could help you in some way. I know you can't see past today with everything you've been dealt. I wish I was there to help take some of the pain away. I know you're not up for talking about everything or anything you're going through. I understand and respect that. I just wanted you to know my heart is aching too. I can't say it enough that I am here for you when and if you ever want to talk about everything. I hope this post helps you in any way to know you're not alone. I see All your friends here, I see how supportive they are and I can feel the love. I can feel how much you mean to them. I love you and hope you find this post in the way it's meant.... that your being thought of often and wishing that I could take some of your hurt, pain and sadness away. I'm your rock and the Tracie hotline is ALWAYS open 24/7. I love you XOXOXOXO
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry. I remember that yours has been a journey of waiting, and bad news and pulling yourselves back into the game again and again. Except it's hardly a game! It is not fair - my heart is hurting for you and K. I hope that whatever the future brings you will both find happiness. It sucks that money plays such a big part in this. Sending big hugs to you both:)
ReplyDeleteI am heartbroken for you....beyond words. The universe is not always fair, and I am so sorry that you've endured these challenges. I'll be thinking of you and support whatever decision you make with next steps in life. much love to you both.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for you girls - we know what you are going through as we just got BFN #11 today. It just plain sucks. Take time to be with each other, and take care of each other. Whatever your final decision may be, we wish you only the best of luck on your journey.
ReplyDelete(((hugs))) I really wish you guys the best of luck wherever your journey takes you and sending you lots of love.
ReplyDeleteSweetie –
ReplyDeleteI tried to think up the right words to say but they just didn’t come. You know I am here for you both– I am just so sorry for your sad news.
Call me if you need anything!
Sending you both our love
I'm so sorry, that is so damn tough. It is beyond unfair that money has to even come into the equation, that you can't make these decisions based solely on what's right for you. I hope that you are able to work your way through the next part, whichever way it leads you, and that you can find some peace. For now though, we're thinking of you and hurting with you - take care of yourselves.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry. I wish I had something better to say, but we're thinking about you guys. {{{{HUG}}}}}
ReplyDelete