First my cycle did start early. Just what I was hoping wouldn't happen. But I went in for a baseline ultrasound this morning to see if we could still proceed with things this cycle and that would be a big fat NO! I have a huge cyst on the right side AGAIN. My RE thinks the endometriosis is back. It's only been 5 months since my surgery but that doesn't seem to matter.
So I was put on birth control again this morning to slow down or stop the endometriosis until we decide what we should do next.
Here are our choices...
- Ignore the cyst and keep trying.
- Have surgery again to clean out the endometriosis that came back and then start back with IUI's again.
- Go straight to IVF. That route would consist of a month on birth control, 3 months on another drug that would shrink the endometriosis and then start the IVF protocol.
- Get K checked out and consider switching from me to her.
- Stop everything all together.
I think we've already decided that options 1 & 2 are actually not an option. This as you will see below by the cost already is just us throwing good money after bad. My RE thinks that going the IUI route with the issues I'm having is only giving me a 5% chance of success. IVF would give me a 33%-40% chance of success.
For really only 1 try that we have had the cost looks like this:
- $1,300 - My portion of the endometriosis surgery.
- $1,300 - Donor Sperm
- $10,000 - A line of credit taken out for IUI's and fertility drugs.
- $8,800 - To open Tubes. I had no idea it was going to cost this much. I was expecting $2,000 - $3,000.
Still have: $5,000
- Total cost out of pocket for basically 1 try has cost $16,400
I have no idea what to do. I feel like such a failure. I know how bad K wants a baby. She would be an amazing parent. I really don't want to stop. Part of me really believes that if we stopped and we let this dream go it could impact our relationship in a negative way that I don't know if we would bounce back. We have a very strong relationship but I don't know if it could survive the regret and anger that would come from this failed dream.
So, here I sit. On hold again. Fighting the horrible feeling that we are drowning in debt, K's not working at the moment and the regret that we have made so many bad decisions up to this point over 13 years that we have ruined our chances of starting the family that we have always talked about.