Wednesday, April 1, 2009


There is really still no update. We're waiting for day 1 to come so we can schedule K's day 3 u/s, labs & HSG.

Since changing the plan we've been really thinking that this change is meant to be. K's insurance should cover some of the cost and both of my employers have adoption assistance. So, we'd finally be able to save money getting pregnant and we'd save money with the co-parent adoption. Well, I looked up the information yesterday for adoption assistance here at Job #1 and everything I was reading sounded great until I read the exclusions. It says they do not cover the cost of adoption if the child is related to your spouse. Will they see K as my spouse and tell me I won't get the $5,000 reimbursement??? I think they will. I think that will be their loop hole not to pay. But as I see it if I really was her spouse legally I wouldn't have to go through the cost of the co-parent adoption because we would be married and the baby would just legally be mine when born. I'm hoping they don't. See they do have domestic partner benefits but domestic partner is not spouse. I'm just going to hope they do the right thing.

I've decided to tackle one thing at a time. First, get through all the tests she'll be going through next week and hope all comes out ok. Next, get her pregnant. If they pay they pay. It won't stop the process and to tell you the truth we're used to getting what we want the hard way. We're used to things not working out. If we end up with a happy/healthy baby that will be the most important thing.

There is snow again here. We had a couple weeks of great weather. We were taking the puppies on walks that lasted 1 1/2 - 2 hours. I can't wait for those days again!

I hope all is well with all of you.


  1. My what parallel paths we are on. J and I were talking last night about how nothing in this whole TTC rollercoaster has been easy. It can get so overwhelming that all we can do is simply focus on the next task at hand then let things shake out as they will. I am hopeful about K's u/s and tests and will keep my fingers crossed that your workplace will do the right thing.

    You know there is an old saying that God laughs when we make plans. :)

  2. Hello Sweets. A lot has happened since I left...but it sounds like you are in a good place. Trust me, I know what you must be feeling--that it's going to be K (my K as well) instead of you. The universe is in control here, isn't she? It's good that money-wise, this change is looking better.
    I would say you can fight the spouse thing as she is not legally your spouse and so you CAN claim that $5000 credit. Fight the good fight but let the rest go and take it one day at a time.

  3. Hoping for great results from all of K's tests/procedures. I also want to say how strong I think you are for switching over to K, I'm not emotionally strong enough yet to relinquish the reins and am in awe of your ability to do so.

  4. I agree with the previous poster about spouse- even with DP benefits - she is not legally your spouse. And I know there is a tax credit for adoption although I have yet to find out if you can claim it for second parent adoption.
    Good luck with K's tests and I really hope things keep looking up for you gals - you need some good things coming your way:)

  5. I am so sorry there is more waiting and wondering. I am thinking of you.

  6. that would be *really* crappy for them to use that spouse exclusion against you, when you dont get all the other forms of spousal recognition/privilege.

    i cant wait to hear how the appointment goes, keep us posted!!

  7. lets cross our fingers and hope they do not fight you on the adoption benefits. maybe since they do offer domestic partner benefits they will honor the adoption. Keep your head up. You and K have a great relationship and will get through all the changes.

  8. I'm glad that this change seems "meant to be"! I agree with anofferingoflove, that it would be outrageous to have the spouse exclusion apply when you aren't allowed to be technical spouses. Keeping my fingers crossed for you, on all fronts!